Confessions of a Shoeaholic

Hi, my name is Julie, & I buy shoes.

Lots of shoes. And boots. Shoes in all colors, & shapes, & heel sizes.

Well, mainly high heels. Sometimes, really, REALLY high heels.

Shoes & boots & flops...oh my!

In my closet resides the Sexiest Shoes on the Planet collection.

I am not making this up.

The other day, in a bout of retail therapy before I had to go visit my mother, as I stood in the clearance aisle of my favorite shoe store, it hit me.

I may have an itsy, bitsy problem. A size 6.5 problem to be exact.

I thought this as I stood holding a pair of gorgeous, ivory basket-weave, 4 inch spike gladiator booties. I really, truly did not NEED this pair of shoes. Oh, but I wanted them. And at 70% off, I had to have them. They were crying to be mine. Never you mind that I will probably twist an ankle in them on their first outing; nay, I will look absolutely fabulous doing it!

But I also wondered what had brought me to this point. What drove me to find those deep discounts on the shoes that line my closet; the shoes I photograph; the shoes I get teased about; the shoes that all my daughter's friends secretly want to pilfer from their cozy little boxes.

Up until now, I just thought it was the fashion, the thrill of having something a little dangerous & a whole lot wonderful to accessorize an outfit, the sense of victory at finding the perfect shoe. I realized I had never really looked into the depths of my shoe loving heart to find my motives.

When I did, they became painfully clear.

Maybe it was because I knew I was facing yet another friction-filled visit with my mother. Maybe it was because I was returning to my childhood home, just up the street from my grade school, to kick off my shoes in that back hallway like a thousand times before. It is not always comfortable looking back to see where you come from. And it became crystal clear. Why I wear the shoes I do; why I love the shoes I do; why the sexiest shoes on the planet have become a bit of who I am today.

You see, when I was little, I hated shoes.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate ALL shoes. In fact, I loved walking through the high end department store (or what I thought was high end so long ago) & gazing at all the beautiful shoes in the women's department, the forbidden shoes, the starlet shoes.

No, I just hated MY shoes.

My ugly, clunky, orthopedic, clown shoes. Shoes, that for budget purposes, were always purchased at least one size too big so I could "grow" into them. Always brown, always lace up, always with a low, chunky heel. How I longed for just one pair of shoes that I wouldn't get laughed at for wearing.

And I didn't even get to shop at the "cool" shoe stores. No, I got to shop with the blue-haired elderly ladies, who pinched my cheeks & told me how thankful I would be when I was older that I wore "sensible" shoes.

It was the seeds of the rebellion; carefully planted, silently nurtured. "All in good time" I kept reminding myself. Someday I would be free of my shackles, someday I would be free of my shame.

I remember my first pair of regular shoes. The podiatrist that had sentenced me to be a shoe outcast by dubbing me "pigeon-toed" retired. The orthopedic shoe store closed. My mother was forced to take me to a bona fide shoe store, where they sold ~gasp~ stylish shoes!

And oh, did I pick out some style! Shoes that would have made Marsha Brady envious! Patchwork suede with a stacked heel beauties that guaranteed a release from the bonds of "nun-shoes". Shoes, that in fine rebellion tradition, clashed horribly with the red, white & blue plaid uniform jumper of my school day.

It was the beginning of obsession.

I began noticing shoes, & taking note of shoe sales, & saving up my babysitting money for shoes I knew my mother would never give me the money to buy. In High School, I was only able to have a few pairs of shoes, carefully selected, well-taken care of.

By college, my love affair with shoes was well underway when a new obsessions took root: boots! Zodiac boots. A "one-pair-a-season" sort of purchase that I selected after careful deliberation. (And, yes, to this day, I STILL have a pair of those boots in my closet.)

As a new mom, I quickly learned that, with a little practice, it was physically possible to carry a child, a diaper bag, 2 bags of groceries AND open a car door in heels, and, key point here, look fabulous doing it.

For me, shoes now represent seasons, and events, and opportunities. My daughter comes along with me shoe shopping. We ooh, & ahh, & model, & dream over shoes. We laugh & talk and hold up shoes we KNOW we would never wear, but oh my aren't they fabulous?! Shoes for my daughter are a pleasure, one of life's little luxuries. She will never know the pain of being laughed at for her footwear.

And that, perhaps, is why I love shoes.