Look to the skies.

I remember now why I stopped writing.

And, more importantly, when.

I hadn't stopped entirely. I tried my hand at this "domestic lifestyle" blogging. I threw myself into the recipe blog. And the Great Martini Blog. I was creative with my status messages & random quotes of the day. (Yes, technically written by someone else.)

But I didn't "write" anymore. Not for about a year.

And yesterday, it all came streaming back.

It's my favorite time of year, astronomically speaking. The Perseid Meteor shower. The time of year when you will find me asleep with my face pressed against the living room window as I sit & wait for just one more streak of light.

It's a magical time.

I know it's nothing more than space debris burning up in our atmosphere.

But I don't look at it that way.

Shooting stars.

Wishes to be made.

Dreams.

Galaxies far, far away.....

And this year, the Perseids reminded me of why I didn't write for ever so long a time.

I was looking for the start date & lunar forecast for this year's display. A lot of my bookmarks still reside on the dinosaur, so I had to do a new search & clicked on the first option.

And went straight to the site that crumpled my spirit.

Last year, at precisely this time, I applied for my dream job. An assistant editor position. At an astronomy mag. That needed someone to keep their website fresh. And write a blog.

It was in the stars!

I don't think I have ever been closer to actually answering the question: what do you want to be when you grow up?

I tweaked the resume, wrote a brilliant cover letter...and waited. And waited. And waited. And checked the posting. And waited some more.

Then I got the call. The call that asked a bit more about me. Then I waited some more, but only for a day this time. And I got the call for "the" interview. The interview of a lifetime.

Long story short (yep, I know, "too late"!), I didn't get the job.

It apparently was NOT in the stars.

And I was crushed. And took it personally.

Since my writing skills were an integral part of the app, I assumed, quite frankly, that I sucked.

I lost confidence in myself. And I stopped writing.

Well, I stopped writing from my heart. I stopped writing anything of substance. I started looking for approval from a new audience; readers that liked my cooking, decorating & photography. Not my wit, my humor...my soul.

A little part of me had died. I didn't feel "good enough" to write anymore. I really didn't feel good enough for anything anymore. I stopped knitting and creating jewelry pieces too.

I threw myself into the mundane.

For a long time.

Gradually, the muse returned. I think her ego was bruised as well & it took her awhile to want to inspire me.

And when I looked at that website yesterday I had a fresh outlook on things and realized maybe, just maybe, it wasn't such a "dream job" after all.

Hindsight is amazing...when you take time to "see" it.

And things do work out for the best.

Or what we can presume is the best.

And, life goes on.